2 Month Well Check.

It occurred to me just now (as I stared at the blank screen, pondering what I would write about in this post) that I have not slept well in a few nights. I know you're probably thinking of course you're not sleeping well you are a new mother to a nine week old. The truth is I have had no trouble sleeping at night since Fin arrived. I can't nap during the day though I have tried- once I'm up I'm up so sleep when the baby sleeps is lost on me.

Right now I am actually sitting at my desk on my 19" exercise ball with Finley in her Ergo carrier attached to my front. It is four hours after she had her 2 month well check and her first set of shots. She is now passed out. Her little head tipped back, her mouth open, her pretty eyelashes framing her heavily closed lids. I am looking at her and the tears are filling my eyeballs ... about to spill over.

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Brief Intermission for Momma to sniffle and grab some Kleenex - snort, snot and try not to get mascara tears all over the head of my darling first born.

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Two hours ago Finley was shrieking and I was doing my best to settle her. I know she is fine but I am not. It occurred to me that I have not slept well since Thursday night. I felt tired and wired all at the same time. I couldn't pin point why I was not sleeping until now. I was anxious fabout Finley's 2 month check up - I was anxious about her shots.

I spend all day everyday protecting her, shielding her from too much sun, mosquitoes, from rolling over and getting stuck on her face. You get it. I bounce on my exercise ball while singing every song I ever knew the words to to get her through a colicky time and soothe her to sleep and I have been doing all these things without naps and tears of my own. And then came the shots.

I have read all about immunizations; the studies linking to autism, the studies disproving the link to autism, safety factors of not immunizing, splitting the immunizations into several shots as opposed to the regular schedule. My hubby and I decide there was no question of course we would immunize. In fact with him there never was a question.

I have just spent the past nine weeks gaining Fin's trust through comforting gestures But, the fact that I have to hold my sweet baby while she smiles up at me and then receives her shots - one in each tiny thigh was killing me. Ohh, this whole thing has made me sleepless.

I have begun to attend a Natural Parenting Group who meet on Monday mornings. Our appointment this morning conflicted. As we departed last week I mentioned I would not be there as Finley had her 2 month check up and her shots. The mom's all looked at me with sympathetic eyes. I said, "I may show up here late and in tears." They said I wouldn't be the first mom to do that - they'd welcome me.

Finley's appointment went great. She is 11 lbs 11oz and 24 inches long. She is healthy, responsive, laughs, turns towards me when she hears my voice, she rolls from her back to her side and back onto her back, she has found her hands and brings both together and tries to jam them in her mouth and she has begun to blow bubbles and talk to me. All the things and a few more than she needs to be doing at this check up.

Finley waiting for her Doc.

Momma explained to her about the shots.

What do you mean I can't get the vaccine orally?

The doctor said she is just awesome and can have a little Tylenol should she be running a mild fever from the shots, he then sent in the nurse. I knew what was coming and I braced myself, Fin didn't know what was coming she smiled at me from the exam table. I brought my face down toward hers, I held her arms gently in my right hand and rubbed her head with my left hand while talking to her in a calm voice. The nurse said; "okay here we go" Finley 's eyes grew wide, her face turned red, she shrieked and stared at me and I talked to her and soothed her and when it was done I nursed her to calm, redressed her, popped her in her car seat, drove directly to Starbucks and fueled up on caffeine. Fin fell directly to sleep the second the car began to move. She stayed asleep while we got the groceries done, drove home, unloaded, put groceries away and checked the mail.

In the mail was a card from one of the mother's in my parenting group whom I had met only once. It was just such a thoughtful card and included a gift certificate to a local restaurant. She just wanted to offer a little gesture of support. Knowing the adjustment to having a baby she hoped the gift certificate would help out. And that's when the dam began to break. My eyes welled just a little at how thoughtful this person was and how neat it is in life that you seem to get a boost from the wings when you need it most.

Finley woke up, played a little ate and then cried hysterically...I figure she was tender from the shots and probably a little uncomfortable. I began to cry with her. I gave her a little Tylenol took her up to bed where we curled up together and for the first time WE took a nap.

When WE woke up we were no worse for wear. Finley smiled at me throughout her feeding, then played with me and when the tired eyes came I popped her in the carrier for her nap so I could sit with her on my bouncy ball and enter this blog with one hand.