Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Involuntary Bum Bulimia

For my entire adult life I've had digestive issues. Symptoms have remained unchanged for years and years and I just coped. I steer away from a long list of foods that are disagreeable to me. I'm all about preventative medicine. I mean who wants to feel sh*tty? I don't eat fast food, gluten, meat and very little dairy. I do have a weakness for french fries and potato chips and even they have crossed over to the do not eat list as of the past month. Booo Hooo. Sniff, sniff. Feeling sorry for me yet? No worries if you're not because I'm totally feeling SO SORRY for myself. I know I'm viewed by many as being a terrible picky eater, but, it's always been because I couldn't tolerate certain foods. If they make me sick why would I eat them?

Then last fall I began to suffer, I mean really feel bad, no matter what I ate...my bum threw it all up almost immediately. I swear I was suffering from involuntary bum bulimia! It's so embarrassing to be out at a nice restaurant and have to leave the table in a sprint for the lou before I'm even done my plate.

Then came the bloating and the weight gain...In January I tried a cleanse and loved it - I felt so much better for a while until I had an other episode and then the episodes became more and more frequent. I wondered if it was nerves , but, I'm not under any stress... my darling Hubs who is an ER nurse said it was my gallbladder. I had all the classic symptoms except the weight loss ... how is it that I don't get that perk? And it's bikini season too.

After finally getting my tail into see a doctor I was referred to radiology for an ultrasound which was showing no gallstones and a little inflammation and then a week later I went in for a HIDA Scan and voila! It was determined the old gallbladder not towing it's weight in my digestive system's party. It's working at less than 5% efficiency. It has to come out! Ahhhhhhh. Waaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllll. F -Bomb double hockey sticks I'm so annoyed.

Here's my experience with hospitals:
1. Being Born
2. Removal of impacted wisdom teeth
3. To deliver my daughter.

To say I'm terrified is an understatement. I know it's a small procedure and it's done in a day surgery and it done lapriscopic but they're cutting into my perfect belly!!! I'm gonna get pumped full of air and prodded and then they'll cut that little pesky lazy gallbladder out and then stitch me up. I'm gonna have stitches! WHAT! Shut the door! I'm horrified and apparently very vain.

The upside is when it's all done I'm hoping to not have to run to the lou 3/4 of the way through every meal....actually, that really is an upside.

Wish me luck. I'll post pics. Maybe.