There I said it. Two words in a new mom's vocabulary and with Finley on the cusp of her 13th month and finally sleeping through the night I should not be saying these words at all. I should be playing catch up on sleep. Instead I'm enjoying my new nighttime freedom, pushing off sleep and staying up to an ungodly hour like 11 pm or midnight. By the time I get to bed I'm over tired and it takes me another two hours to go to sleep. "What the hell dude? Why are you doing this if you know it's making you tired?" I ask myself. Myself has no answers. I close my eyes for a coupe of hours and that's when Fin decides she is going to change her sleeping pattern too by beginning to wake up at 6:30AM instead of her, since birth, waking hour of 8:30AM. She's peppy and I'm soooooo tired.
I'm bored, tired, restless and I need a project I can sink my teeth into. This is what I lie in bed thinking about. I want to work on a gig, I want to host dinner parties with my friends, gawd I miss my friends, I want a giant chunk of my old life back and I want to be a good mom to Finley.
A balance may never be achieved but a new normal should occur. That's my resolve. Proximity to our friends is the only issue and a failed American economy has us locked into our home for a while longer. I appreciate we have a home and we have a good life here. It's just lacking in a work place for me and our friends are too far away.
This gypsy is itchy to move again onto the next chapter.
With all of this swirling in my brain is it no wonder I can't sleep?