Thursday, November 12, 2009

Two Too Many?

Can you even imagine our lives before Finley? Steve asked me the other day. Truth is I can't! I absolutely adore her! In the last few weeks my hubby has been talking about adding to our family AGAIN! Ohhhmygawd are you serious? We just got our baby girl. My body finally feels normal again. I am finally thinking straight, the baby brain fog has lifted. I have words and I am seriously enjoying the routine Fin and I are in and you want to throw a monkey wrench into all of this? Do you want to have another baby I asked him. Yes, he said. I think we should.

We always said we would have no kids or two. At my 6 week check up I told the midwife I would be back soon! I had a good pregnancy and delivery and wanted to have another baby in close proximity to our first born -largely due to my age I didn't want to wait.

That was before colic.

That was before she wouldn't take a bottle.

That was before a LEEP procedure.

That was before Finley made strange with everyone but me.

That was before Finley cried for an hour solid in her car seat several hundred times.

That was when I still thought I'd have time to garden, write, develop new TV projects all while the baby slept. Hardy Har Har.

That was before we decided to sell our house and move onto our sailboat.

That was when I was still wearing my birthing afterglow. By three months in, our darling baby had secured herself as an only child in my mind and I had become quite okay with this idea. In fact I'm still okay with this idea. I think. I know plenty of only children who are well adjusted, good people.

We can adopt my hubs said. Which is something I always wanted to do, but, we make cute babies so maybe we can do it just once more. Hmmmm. I'll think about it.

Can we compare our kids and pets for a second? Hubs made this argument the other day. Look at our dog he's high maintenance and suffers extreme separation anxiety with him we learned our lesson. We should have gotten two dogs to keep each other company. After ten years we can't add another dog to our home- our dog is too old to accept another dog and he is too set in his ways. Will this be the problem with only one child? Steve and his sisters get along great, my sister and I are besties, should we deny our child the chance to have a sibling?

But what if?

What if we have twins this time? Multiples are more common in older mothers.

What if our second baby is not healthy?

What if I'm too old and too tired to give my kids the kind of mother I want to give them?

What if we can't follow our dream of getting on a sailboat and sailing around the globe?

The first child changed our lifestyle, we're already broken of the old single person wild child ways. It's replaced with a new lifestyle - is it better - no - it's equally good but different. One child is portable. Two is more complicated for sure, but, only for a couple of years...right? Once they are walking and talking it's good -no? I love my new family. I'm adaptable, kids like me and I like kids and it is different when they are your own. I do want to continue with a career and I want to be able to do so without compromise to the family. Is two too much to take on?

Opening up the comments line: Let me know your thoughts!


Twwly said...

Two is fucking insane. I mean, if it's not one, it's the other. CRAYYYYYZEEEEEEEE.


I always think of my Amish neighbours with 13 and no running water.

Then two seems perfectly reasonable.

Accidental Pharmacist said...

We talked about the same thing but my grandma had two sets of twins for her 2nd and 3rd pregnancies and my mom had them for her 2nd. The twin fear may be stronger than the twitching ovaries.

Anonymous said...

I seriously have no idea - I'm totally selfish and can't fathom what parents go through each day.

But with the cuteness you produced with sweet baby Fin, think another beautiful or handsome Shipley/Pare would make the world even brighter!

Love you lady!

Twwly said...

Being an only child is a bit lonely, I am one.

And do cut your sex and your sleep in half. And then maybe in half again.

But seriously dude, it's the best shit ever. And IMO having them close together is great. Though you do have TWO BABIES then. Which, as I may have mentioned before is totally goddman gonzo, ESPECIALLY I am going to say for Attachementy Parents.

BUT I wouldn't trade it for the world. And IMO it's easier when they are babies, I mean when you have a new baby. As an AP parent it's easier because you just strap on the new one and try to keep up with life. I wore Maggie ALL THE TIME.

It wasn't until she got older and started touching his stuff that my life turned into total friggin mayhem. You get to work up to it.


Brent said...

Go for it....2 is a good number. We are looking at having another even with having similar experiences as you guys. The not sleeping, screaming in the car seat....all fun! Not really but hey who only live once and it's only temporary....18yrs is temporary apparently.

Erin said...

I know I can't stop with just one. The older the one gets, the more you'll be in love with the thought of another. At least that's true for me.

Baby BEE and Me said...

In September me and hubby were like hey yah whatever happens...Thank gawd it didn't cuz October and Beginning of November were insane. Maybe if I didn't own a buisness?? Perhaps if I wasn't run ragged at the moment, Two would seem like a super idea right now...maybe if my Nephew wasn't in the hospital last week for 5 days because of the H1N1...Today I only have enough emotion for 1. And I knowing she has sisters already with Fin and Skye....Today I am in for just her...tomorrow when she is talking to me and can pick up her own toys...about 3, to watch her and all of us embrace a pregnancy and newborn together...maybe. I'll be almost 40 but better for waiting. Right now I am still learning so much from her. My sweet Bee.

lagunatic said...

Two is cool. I love having two (and was lucky to have one of each gender) - they play together and ignore me completely - bliss, I tell you.
I was very worried about having a second as well - my first was my BEST BUD. I made about 20 too many posts on babycenter (the horror!) asking if I'd love #2 as much as #1, even saying, "But you don't UNDERSTAND how much I love #1". lol. Anyway, I dare say there are days when I'd give up #1 for #2, but it's all age related (how dare they learn to speak!).
I say go for it! I promise, you won't regret it. You'll even look back and wonder why you questioned your decision ;)

Passions and Musings said...

My jokes of hidden vodka bottles aside...
Two kids truly has been the hardest thing i have ever done...truly nothing can compare.
Somebody always wants never have a moment to yourself...I have felt the moments of being completely overwhelmed...
But the minute I see my kids playing together or sitting on the couch watching TV or sharing a bowl of cereal then all those feelings of 'OMFG' what did we do completely vanish.
And let me say...time with #2 flies's not like the baby #2 is turning 2 in three months....
I say jump in feet first and do it...this way the kiddlets will have someone to bitch to about their 'so totally lame' parents.
But do it now....don't wait...better to have them closer together...or at least that's what I told myself ;)

Earth To Mother Ship said...

Ohmigawd thank you for all your HONEST feed back everyone! Clearly I won't be in comptition with the Duggar Family for offspring. This discussion will continue in our house and then maybe after a while we will announce one way or another. For now I'm off to catch the spaz of a dog before he wakes the baby up!

Eire Chick said...

Ok, I don't have ANY kids, and I just got married. But here's the thing - I found you through another blog and it's sort of awesome how much we have in common. I used to be in production & development at a big film studio in LA, but I quit to get out and became a personal trainer and then moved to FL. Now I'm here, and want to start developing shows and slide back into entertainment, but on the other side. And my husband and I want to start cruising. It's a dream of ours. :-) So anyway, just had to say hi. Sorry I can't weigh in about 1 vs 2. If it ain't broke, though... :-)

Anonymous said...

My French-Canadian grandmother had 12, with "God will provide" in mind. I always thought she was constantly high from giving birth.

The pickle you are in is much like mine! Our daughter is 13-months, and that darn uterus is a ticking time bomb. A 2-3 age gap does come highly recommended, and though two may be harder than one in some ways, it can also be harder in other ways--you may spend what could be your "free time" playing dollies with your child, because you are parent AND sibling.

christy said...

I say relax and see what happens naturally. :)

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MommaCeleste said...

had to laugh when i read the part.... what if we have twins! ha, we were trying to have a girl, just add to our cute little family of 3 and we ended up having identical triplet boys! i say have one more! it's worth it!