Walmart Assclown

Seriously. What in the world is wrong with some people?

Man slaps child at Walmart.

A few summers ago, while seated with a couple of friends on a crowded hipster patio, in the heart of downtown Toronto, on an unusually humid 40 degree early evening. We were enjoying a few cold ones. I was, as usual, people watching.

Onto the patio enters a mother and two boys guesstimated ages four and two. She looks hot and haggard. She sits the boys down at the last available table, throws a few toys in their direction glances at a menu and places her order with the server before she herself sits down. The eldest of her boys begins to have a full on melt down. Just then an acquaintance of ours out walking her dog stops on the sidewalk beside the patio to chat with us. The tantrum ensues and is beginning to drown out our conversation.

Thinking I'm so very funny I say; "Wow I think I feel my ovaries shriveling up." The boys at our table laugh and our acquaintance says;"Oh I wonder if she needs help?" hands us the dog leash and enters the patio to offer help.

Without waiting for the mother's reply, she begins to round up the two year old who by now has slid off his chair in an effort to make a getaway - while his mom was doing her best to talk down the four year old. Wrestling the four year old the mother asks for her order "to go" hands the server a twenty and our acquaintance tells her to take the boys for a short walk she will find her with her take out. The mom looks relieved. We hear both boys now screaming as she half carries half drags the boys toward a stroller and makes her way up the side walk. I can't take my eyes off this dance unfolding. The take-out arrives, our acquaintance runs the food up to the mother and returns to her perch on the edge of our table, takes the dogs leash and slides back into our conversation.

I felt like a major ass, but, I learned something that day about the kindness of strangers. How easy it was for me to make a crack at the expense of that poor woman who was clearly having the crappiest day. How easy it was for our acquaintance to step in to offer support.

I've seen countless tantrums since then and have not even thought about my ovaries, I don't think about the kid throwing the tantrum, I think about the mother who is usually mortified and exasperated.

I know Finley is gonna let me have it.

I am going to be THAT mother.

By the good graces...if anyone touches my child...I will. I dunno. What will I do? I have a blue belt with a red stripe in Tae Kwon Do, I'd warn him and maybe even kick his ass. I'd clobber him and yell FIRE and hope to be in the canned food isle where I would shower him in cans of peas. Well I like to think I would, but I'm more of the; be shocked and react all big stuff later, call the authories, press charges, cry and hug my Finley type.

What if that assclown at Walmart had been kind in that isle instead of mean? Would he have made every twitter, mom blog, news feed, in the same way the slap to the face has?

Doubt it.