Today marks one year since I peed on a stick and found out we were expecting a baby. I was shocked despite our efforts for the positive results. I was terrified of the changes a baby would make to our lives. I was terrified I would suck as a mother. I was just plain terrified. And then she arrived healthy and whole. We brought her home put her to bed beside us, we all went peacefully to sleep like she had always been right there with us. In the mornings we stared at her little perfect person and smiled at one another. "We made her."
I was no longer terrified. I no longer questioned what impact she would have on our lives and if I would be a good mother. We were a family.
Although, it is all new, our lives are just how they are supposed to be. Neither Steve or I would want to have it any other way. We love our little Finley Mae.
Today is my mother's 62nd birthday.
Her candles were permanently blown out at the early age of 54. I think it's the first August 4th to roll around that I didn't wake up sad. New life and new memories have a really good way of turning feelings around. Happy Birthday Mom - where ever you are.