What I Carry With Me: (Journal Group Cue Jan 21/09)

What I carry with me. Is this a literal or figurative question or what?

When I am on a field shoot with my TV crew I carry a back pack full of absolutely everything I might need in any situation. If I can keep my crew happy, we have a much better day and are best able to cope with any situation that can and will arise.

Whats in it for me? Proven results are in bagging excellent footage which makes for a happy producer - yup that's me. This back pack is always equipped with a small first aide kit, feminine hygiene products (it's amazing how many ladies are not equipped!) sunblock, bug spray, hand wipes, Kleenex, Gravol, Advil, allergy pills, power bars, gum, a few pieces of company swag- which is a helpful trade to anyone who assists us, rain ponchos that fold into neat pocket size pouches, garbage bags, chap sick, hand lotion, a light metre, circuit tester, roll of tape, extra batteries, chalk, and a pencil case filled with office supplies....The list does go on - just ask anyone who has worked with me!

I figure this is like a training ground for mommy hood. I am used to toting a bag of gack around to appease anyone in any situation, much like an adult diaper bag - this is my training ground for taking care of a child. Soon my bag will carry all the things necessary to care for a baby, then a child, then a teen. In this former case if the producer is happy everyone is happy - you can say that as well about the family. If momma is happy everyone is happy. This happiness does take some effort though.

Lately, I have taken to carrying my own ditty bag of stuff around to keep myself happy. At any given time these days my little purse will have, chap stick, mints, food of some sort, a cloth grocery bag, keys, wipes, pens, lipsticks in varying shades, Kleenex, my cell phone, a multi tool, always a band aide - okay you get it - almost everything but the kitchen sink.

My person carries the rest.

* I carry my three pound dog in a back pack away from the house. (He only likes to walk home.)
* I carry my posture according to my moods.
* I carry a camera - most everywhere I go.
* I carry my worries like duffel bags packed for a weekend away.
* I carry my manners neatly folded in my front pocket ever ready to extend - as though my mother were perched on my shoulder ready to scold should I fail to show good decorum.
* I carry my memories tucked into neat little compartments in my brain. They surface as needed...like little safety nets.
* I carry my experiences.
* I carry curiosity.
* I carry my inner dialogue.
* I carry the good sense to hold my tongue on the inner dialogue. (If given the opportunity - in only the rarest of company - will I allow it to become my outer dialogue.)
* I carry my heart hidden on my sleeve - surrendering it only to the most deserving and trust worthy.
* I carry little Baby P - on the inside - who loves to stretch and kick at the sounds of voices, music and after I eat sweets.

Very soon, I will be privileged to carry little Baby P on the outside in a sling, hip and back as he/she grows. I will carry his/her kisses on my cheeks and it's hold on my heart.