Belly as Muse + Late Stage Pregnancy= SARCASM.

Totally because I have been on such good behaviour, have not taken the piss out of myself or anyone else, lately, and because I am starting to get tired of answering the same questions:

1) When are you due?

2) Is it a boy or a girl? You don't know - how can you do that?

3) How are you feeling.

I have a very STRONG desire to answer these questions with RIDICULOUS answers. Totally for fun - not in a mean spirited way- just to catcha new reaction!

Like:

1) Due for what?  My next mammogram is in about 6 months.  Just had my teeth cleaned - no cavities!

2) It's a puppy.  Watermelons don't have a sex. The basketball team used me for a net - the ball is stuck and I am awaiting surgery to remove it.

3) I just finished running the Virginia Beach 1/2 marathon and feel great. I broke my time actually!

MY MOST SECRET DESIRE:

I have an incredible urge to take an armload of different brands of pregnancy tests up to the Pharmacist at Walmart and with a very straight face ask;" Which is the most accurate?"

Epilogue:

Last night at the EPISCOPALIAN Church Oyster roast up the street I actually used the "I ran a half marathon last week and broke my time" response to how do you feel? I got a great laugh. Considering we knew NO ONE there and I didn't know my audience it went over well - I tried a few others too and got some laughs...which I have to say made me feel a lot more like me than I have in a little while. 

I actually don't mind the attention I get for the bump. It's all in good "rights of passage" fun and well meaning. I do enjoy listening to everyone tell their pregnancy stories - it's all good. I just was so ornery yesterday I thought I would write....which beats crying for no reason and feeling heavy...which was the kind of day I was having. Pregnancy is glorious and also redonkulous!