I am a newborn.

In week 20 of the pregnancy journey I have really come to understand that I am no longer the boss of me.  Yup. It took me 20 weeks to figure this out.  

I have always been headstrong, independent and able bodied.  I have fought hard for things I believe in, my family, my career, my relationship, my committees. I have been guilty of working too much, playing hard, wearing myself out physically and mentally only to back off and reboot so I could to launch into it all over again.  It's a pattern with me.  In those burn out times I remind myself to get back to working moderately, eating well, exercising and sleeping better. Only the last time I did this - I vowed to stick to it - and I have made the latter my new pattern in a conscious attempt to balance out my life.  Michelle on half speed is still twice as fast as most on full speed.  It's just me. 

This was working well for the most part until ... pregnancy. Suddenly my career, my play, my exercise, my relationship, my sleep - is ours.  Me, me, me, my, has become you, you, you, we, ours. 

I thought I was ready.  I have very new nieces and nephews and have seen first hand the commitment to rearing the young.  I just didn't know it starts so soon in pregnancy.  At week nine my mother in law emailed to ask how I was feeling.  I told her I was ready to move the fridge beside the toilet and just camp out there.  I was wearing a path into the floor between the bathroom and the fridge.  Not to mention I had not slept in days. I was either up to go to the fridge or the bathroom every half- hour. It was SO annoying.  I was annoying myself.  

Each day would start with a plan to clean out the last of boxes in the office, vaccuum the house, plant the spring bulbs, and write an article. But, shortly after my morning shower baby would take over and say  - hey you,  lady, it's nap time, I'm STARVING, or let's skip to the lou...NOW!

Needless to say my responsiblities around the house and work were slipping to lows I had never let my self experience.  The super odd thing was - I didn't even care.  I was so tired.

By weeks 15 - 19 I was sleeping like a baby or so the expression goes. The weather had cooled off,  I was wearing my favorite flannel Pj's and was nestled into bed for perfect nights sleep.  Ah, starting to feel like old me - only fatter - I can handle this.   Baby was cooperating with me - we were sharing the host body quite amicably.   The house became Ship shape,  I did get to the boxes, the articles and to hosting company again.  My world was right. Our world was right.

And then sleep became illusive.  I began awakening to allergy attacks.  No, no symptoms other than a stuffy nose. Oh I hope I am not getting sick. I  dip into the vitamin C.  The next night I am in for a repeat show.  Honeslty this is a nightmare.  It's like being dragged to the worst play night after night and being made to sit in the front row.  Up and down for the nose, the chap stick now necessary due to the new mouth breathing technique I have adopted, then for a sip of water, which leads to the pee break and a new cycle begins.  

Apparently, a stuffy nose in the night is very common in the second trimester.  There is no cold. There are no allergies - but - if you suffer allergies  they will get worse,  I read in my pregnancy guide.  Awesome! 

Last night sleep was taken to an all new high when I awoke choking at 4:30 AM.  

Steve:  Are you okay hun?

Michelle: Yeah, I am pregnant.

Steve: You are! Is it mine?

Michelle: Pretty sure.

Steve: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

I get up for easily the 10th time in eight hours. 

I am pretty sure this is newborn baby boot-camp. Only I am playing newborn now. Nature has an interesting way of teaching us new patterns.