Friday, March 9, 2012

What I Do

Honestly, this has been a real question mark for me in the past year. Everyone you meet wants to know what you do, meaning for work, money, career of course.  I used to do all kinds of amazing projects in my line of work.  I am a TV producer by trade.  There was always a next project lined up to go to upon wrapping the first one - even if I spaced them out to allow for a brief holiday in between.  Series format, comedy, lifestyle, celebrity, ego - that is what I do - it became who I was.

Suddenly a grey area exists between what I do and who I am.

Then the grey turns black.

A divided line between what I do and who I am.

This has never happened before.

Like a shedding of skin the what I do feels as though it's become a part of my past. What do I do now? I spend my day with my toddler sharpening my negotiating skills, making snacks, building towers, playing troll, reading books, singing songs, doing laundry, taking walks, meeting friends, exploring, sifting through gravel for shark's teeth, enforcing time outs, washing Barbie mermaid and daughter's hair,  having dance parties in the kitchen, doing groceries, cleaning the house, practicing and teaching yoga.

What I do I can't pin point. My days are full, at night I am tired.   Perhaps it's not as exciting to an acquaintance at a gathering to say I'm a stay at home mom - but to me it's far more impressive than any TV series I've ever produced.  It's pretty cool to have the opportunity and luxery to fill my days with my toddler's related activity.

My new reality is this, I get to be in the present, because the present is the only time a toddler knows. Perhaps this is the greatest gift my daughter has given to me  - the ability to just be here in the now. It doesn't matter too much what's next for in life we are fluid and as long as our most basic needs are met what's next will work itself out.

So for now this is what I do.

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