Pregnancy Q & A - An email I received today.

PREGNANCY Q & A

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q : My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q : Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q : Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q : Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

Picture Me

Picture me bundled in my sister's grey 3/4 length felt winter coat, a cute grey knit hat, black stick legs poking out the bottom hem, sporting (overkill for the weather) grey Columbia winter boots. 

Now picture that same grey felt coat busting it's snaps with every  move, the grey boots , size 10 shuffle through slush and salt as I navigate the parking lot with the grace of Bambi on ice.

I'm heading out for GNO (Girl's Night Out). I'm excited to see my girls it's been so long. How lucky for them I will be the designated driver, no drawing of straws tonight.  We are eight girls meeting at the new Moxie's restaurant. I arrive in the lobby looking around I see only the slightest built blond and brunette servers wearing even slighter outfits.  I feel very rotund even in my black dress hidden under my coat. 

I ask the hostess for our reservation. She informs me the table will not be ready for a few minutes, would I like to wait at the bar?  I opt for a trip to the ladies room. Upon my return she smiles at me and says, "Ma'am  your table is ready - follow me."

When I arrive to the table my girlfriends are already seated. They have giant fishbowl sized drinks in front of them it appears they have been here a while already. Hi! we all squeal girly greetings.  But I am not late?  How come you are all here with drinks served already? I am confused. 

The girls look at each other then they look at me. Together they push back their chairs and stand up from the table.  I shriek with delight, tears fill my hormonal eyes as I laugh and clap my hands together, I scream "You Guys!"  All eyes in the busy restaurant are on our table.

Each of my girls were sporting maternity tops and false bellies.  It is hysterical. "We've been where you are," Kimmy says. "We couldn't let ya do it alone!" Kelly says.

With that chaos ensued in the form of multiple waddling group trips to the ladies room,  ridiculous sized boozy drinks were perched on top of bellies for photo ops, servers stopped by our table to take in the spectacle, other diners lingered mouths agape trying to figure out just what was going on.  

Picture me.  Picture me, with the best friends a girl could ever ask for.

 

Now enjoy the pictures below.

The Girls!

Brandi & Kimmy

Kelly

My Crazy Fun Seester Sue!

Lana Banana

Kathy (The real deal 18 weeks)

Me (The real deal 32 weeks)

Michelley Belly - Bump 33 Weeks 5 Days

BEHOLD the GINORMITY.  

We had one hell of a growth spurt last week!

This pic is of me today just a few minutes before I taught Yoga.

I was a little uncomfortable last week for a few days; I had gut rot, heart burn, acne, headaches, feet in my ribs, a head on some nerves in my groin, I limped, I waddled, I slept sitting up ... I wined, I cried, I worried this was going to be the norm for the next five weeks, which made me fall into despair.  So  I did what I always do when I don't feel well.  I went to bed and I slept, I slept and I slept.  

And then Monday morning I awoke sporting a full on beach ball.  My super model walk returned, the Tums were put away, I lay off the Tylenol, hung some paintings, did the laundry stripped some wall paper ...ahhhh, normalcy restored.  That night I slipped into my hubby's Large T-shirt to sleep in and had to swap it out for his only XL t-shirt. I settled into bed

for a delicious horizontal sleep interrupted by only one 4 A.M meal ... and Tuesday was another fine day.  

I HEART Books

Here are a few of the books I have read and am reading in preparation for the arrival of Baby P.

This book opens with birth stories spanning 20 years written by mother's who elected to have natural childbirth.  Such inspiring stories, and, what caught me is how supportive the women's network are during labour and delivery. Ina May talks a lot about the labouring process  shedding light on why labour will progress or halt and how to stay present during birth.  She emphasizes the "I am SO BIG" mantra. I am also going to adopt the "I AM SO BIG" mantra ... just so I don't freak out and wonder how baby will come out of what has always been an "in door." 

This is the book every feminist mother should read before delivering the baby.  Most mom's love to tell their personal birth stories, some wonderful some traumatic, some from back in the stone age...with all the conflicting stories on birth's it's best to find out just what happens and why during the delivery process .  Maybe I am armed with TOO much information but I would rather know in advance the reasons I might be rushed for a C-section, or why the baby would go into distress or why episiotomies are rarely performed anymore, etc.  This is the GO TO BOOK for all medical and natural childbirth techniques and the reasons for them. Warning: Henci Goer is a feminist writer who does not advocate for medically intervened deliveries. She does however go into detail about, cesareans, inducing labour, fetal monitoring, home births, epidurals, midwives, ob's, birth centres, and alternatives to high-tech births.  A great read!

Auntie Smelly Locks sent me this book.  It's informative and funny! Daddy P and I have shared a giggle reading this book.  The pictures and diagrams sprinkled through out this book are hilarious...especially the section for dad's.  During delivery dad's keep your sights on the task at hand. Do NOT watch the game on the big screen, leave the room for prolong periods of time, make business calls or texts, and for God's sake DO NOT EAT SMELLY FOODS!  See very wise advice.  But, it's not all fluff. This book is  co-written by a medical doctor the information is relevant and up to date.  There are practical chapters on preparing for baby including check lists and shopping lists that actually are helpful and the book is sturdy and pocket size!

This is the first book I bought when we found out we were knocked up.  I had seen it at every one's house I knew who had kids already and thought it was a good book. It is actually my least favorite book.  It's not that it's poorly laid out, it is well laid out, informative, and I do like the baby's development sections laid out by week...I just CAN'T STAND the DUMB jokes all through the book. They are actually repeated twice in one paragraph like maybe you didn't get it the first time. So very annoying especially if you want to go back and re-read a chapter, you have to endure the stupid jokes over again. Annoying enough to make me put the book down and search for another.  I know prego women can be forgetful but those stupid jokes are ingrained. No need for repeats. I find them HOAKY.  I was actually shocked when one of my four midwives suggested I buy and read this book.  The shock probably registered on my face too - thankfully I was on the bed, knees in stirrups staring up at a Georgia O'Keeffe painting on the tiled ceiling and she was looking into ...well you know.

Well here it is ... my current FAVORITE book.  Dr. Sears and his wife an R.N together have eight children two of whom are also Pediatricians have come together to pen this book. It's a very practical and very natural approach to child rearing.  This book takes us from the last trimester of pregnancy up to the baby's second birthday.  It covers everything from birth, Apgar, first pediatrician visits, breast feeding, baby wearing, sleeping for mom and baby, co-sleeping, introduction of solids, etc. It's the GRANOLA book for natural parenting and I LOVE it's philosophies.  This book was recommended by several friends and gifted to me by my friend Nee' who is a very new mom.

Knocked Up - Knock Off!

My Uncle Paul is a graphics wizard ... for my baby shower invitation he ripped my Ship Shape Productions business logo and knocked her up!   Haha!  I died laughing when I saw it ... such a talented and clever family I have! 

Here it is for your viewing pleasure. 

The original "before baby" logo is off to the far right of this blog.

Michelley Belly - Bump 31 Weeks 2 Days

This photo was taken after my shower...I was wiped out - boiling hot - and ready for beddy!

This Is Why We Have Kids

At 31 weeks preggo I flew to Ottawa to visit family and friends and I stayed with my seester & her son. My nephew Aaron is the coolest kid.   He converses only in sign.  

When Aaron was an infant I would wake early to retrieve him from his crib, give him a quick change and  tuck him into bed with me to hang out. We read books, sang songs and snuggled. This is still our deal. Each morning this week he burst into my bedroom,  always so excited to see me still there, tucked into bed.   He would climb into bed next to me to snuggle or he simply pulled back the cover from my head to plant a kiss on my cheek before heading out to catch the school bus.  In fact, one day this week he FAKED sick to stay home with Auntie...and we had a great afternoon.  

Honestly, he's such a great love of my life!

My friend Lucky came from Toronto to visit me at my seester's house for the weekend. Lucky has come to Ottawa to visit countless times before and has quite a relationship with Aaron of her own.  Right on schedule Aaron arrived to say good morning and was stoked to see Auntie Lucky!   He is all elbows and knees lately. I covered my Baby P Bump with a pillow...just in case of a misguided limb as he climbed into bed right in between us.

  Let's just say Aaron kinda...

... LOVES Lucky!

Aaron was escorted out of bed and our room to let us sleep a little longer... but before he left, he dramatically blew us each a big kiss from the door way before slamming the door closed.

This is why we have kids.