Hey Kid, I AM the Boss of You!

While feeding the Finster, I was flipping through the four channels our digital receiver brings in, when came across Rachel Ray having a discussion with a couple about their new reality show. I wish I could have caught the name of it, and if I google I’m sure I could find, it but that's not the point of this essay. This essay is about disciplining children.

The couple, guests of Rachel Ray, were being interviewed about how they run their home with similar tactics found in an army boot camp. The reality show has the couple taking in discipline problem teens, stripping them of old habits, helping them to develop new attitudes to learn to respect themselves and their guardians.Then they are sent back to their respective home and parents. I guess it’s like the show the Nanny except on steroids.

When I happened upon the conversation it was regarding discipline and what works, why and how to maintain respect in giving and receiving discipline. Rachel Ray asked, “ What’s wrong with just saying ”Because I said so?” to which the reply was, “Nothing.” If you are the parent it’s your job to set parameters for a child.

Where have parents gone off the rails in the discipline department? It seems rather overboard to run your home like a boot camp but what are the alternatives? I believe in parenting. Raising a respectful child who knows right from wrong, who will abide, test and break the household rules we as parents set.

There seems to be a generation of parents who have become “best friends” with their kids instead of parenting their children. Parents are working more and making less time for parenting, kids are left raising themselves. The “I can have it all” attitude does come at a cost to the child. Divorce and blended families where kids live by two sets of rules in divided households and parents who are raising princesses instead of little girls are to blame for the discipline issues in their homes. There is no quick fix and medicating children is not the answer. How often is a hyper active child really just acting out looking for some attention?

When I was a child my mother would tell me; "it's cold out side put a hat on." I, in protest, would respond, "but you don’t wear a hat." (mom always had her hair “done”) "Do what I say not what I do," was her reply. And so I did. I’m sure there was protest but I wore my hat and took her answer as gospel. Why? Because there were bigger consequences if I did not obey. I had chores, and homework to do. Privileges were lost if they were not completed in a reasonable and timely manner. My mother was a mentor, a guide, sometimes my friend but always the boss of me.

I can recall sitting at the green kitchen table. My mother was baking something complicated and fancy. She taught me a poem her mother had taught her, it goes like this:

I must do the things I must, before the things I may.

I’m not fit for any trust until I can and do obey.

This was the motto that ran our household and we were asked to repeat this verse often. The worst feeling in the world was disappointing my parents. One look by them could speak louder to me than a war of words or a raised fist.

Before we had a child my husband and I talked a lot about the discipline in our homes what worked what did not and how we would set and enforce rules in our own home. We had similar upbringings and are on the same page when it comes to discipline in our home.

I plan to lead by example as much as I can when it comes to guiding my child. I will put a hat on. I will set up age appropriate chores, outline parameters for proper behaviour. Then actively enforce these parameters fairly and be open to renegotiating within reason as the child ages or situations change. Negotiate, mediate and praise go a long way. So does my mom’s verse. I will likely teach it to my child. What I hope I won’t be, is the mother who does one thing while counseling another.

I won’t be the mom seen lighting a cigarette while telling my child smoking is bad – Do as I say not as I do –scenarios like this just simply are not in my nature. But the first time a scenario comes up where the appropriate answer is: "do as I say not as I do” I will come back print and eat this essay written on paper.

I HEART Books

Here are a few of the books I have read and am reading in preparation for the arrival of Baby P.

This book opens with birth stories spanning 20 years written by mother's who elected to have natural childbirth.  Such inspiring stories, and, what caught me is how supportive the women's network are during labour and delivery. Ina May talks a lot about the labouring process  shedding light on why labour will progress or halt and how to stay present during birth.  She emphasizes the "I am SO BIG" mantra. I am also going to adopt the "I AM SO BIG" mantra ... just so I don't freak out and wonder how baby will come out of what has always been an "in door." 

This is the book every feminist mother should read before delivering the baby.  Most mom's love to tell their personal birth stories, some wonderful some traumatic, some from back in the stone age...with all the conflicting stories on birth's it's best to find out just what happens and why during the delivery process .  Maybe I am armed with TOO much information but I would rather know in advance the reasons I might be rushed for a C-section, or why the baby would go into distress or why episiotomies are rarely performed anymore, etc.  This is the GO TO BOOK for all medical and natural childbirth techniques and the reasons for them. Warning: Henci Goer is a feminist writer who does not advocate for medically intervened deliveries. She does however go into detail about, cesareans, inducing labour, fetal monitoring, home births, epidurals, midwives, ob's, birth centres, and alternatives to high-tech births.  A great read!

Auntie Smelly Locks sent me this book.  It's informative and funny! Daddy P and I have shared a giggle reading this book.  The pictures and diagrams sprinkled through out this book are hilarious...especially the section for dad's.  During delivery dad's keep your sights on the task at hand. Do NOT watch the game on the big screen, leave the room for prolong periods of time, make business calls or texts, and for God's sake DO NOT EAT SMELLY FOODS!  See very wise advice.  But, it's not all fluff. This book is  co-written by a medical doctor the information is relevant and up to date.  There are practical chapters on preparing for baby including check lists and shopping lists that actually are helpful and the book is sturdy and pocket size!

This is the first book I bought when we found out we were knocked up.  I had seen it at every one's house I knew who had kids already and thought it was a good book. It is actually my least favorite book.  It's not that it's poorly laid out, it is well laid out, informative, and I do like the baby's development sections laid out by week...I just CAN'T STAND the DUMB jokes all through the book. They are actually repeated twice in one paragraph like maybe you didn't get it the first time. So very annoying especially if you want to go back and re-read a chapter, you have to endure the stupid jokes over again. Annoying enough to make me put the book down and search for another.  I know prego women can be forgetful but those stupid jokes are ingrained. No need for repeats. I find them HOAKY.  I was actually shocked when one of my four midwives suggested I buy and read this book.  The shock probably registered on my face too - thankfully I was on the bed, knees in stirrups staring up at a Georgia O'Keeffe painting on the tiled ceiling and she was looking into ...well you know.

Well here it is ... my current FAVORITE book.  Dr. Sears and his wife an R.N together have eight children two of whom are also Pediatricians have come together to pen this book. It's a very practical and very natural approach to child rearing.  This book takes us from the last trimester of pregnancy up to the baby's second birthday.  It covers everything from birth, Apgar, first pediatrician visits, breast feeding, baby wearing, sleeping for mom and baby, co-sleeping, introduction of solids, etc. It's the GRANOLA book for natural parenting and I LOVE it's philosophies.  This book was recommended by several friends and gifted to me by my friend Nee' who is a very new mom.