Two Bad Words.

I'm Tired.

There I said it. Two words in a new mom's vocabulary and with Finley on the cusp of her 13th month and finally sleeping through the night I should not be saying these words at all. I should be playing catch up on sleep. Instead I'm enjoying my new nighttime freedom, pushing off sleep and staying up to an ungodly hour like 11 pm or midnight. By the time I get to bed I'm over tired and it takes me another two hours to go to sleep. "What the hell dude? Why are you doing this if you know it's making you tired?" I ask myself. Myself has no answers. I close my eyes for a coupe of hours and that's when Fin decides she is going to change her sleeping pattern too by beginning to wake up at 6:30AM instead of her, since birth, waking hour of 8:30AM. She's peppy and I'm soooooo tired.

I'm bored, tired, restless and I need a project I can sink my teeth into. This is what I lie in bed thinking about. I want to work on a gig, I want to host dinner parties with my friends, gawd I miss my friends, I want a giant chunk of my old life back and I want to be a good mom to Finley.

A balance may never be achieved but a new normal should occur. That's my resolve. Proximity to our friends is the only issue and a failed American economy has us locked into our home for a while longer. I appreciate we have a home and we have a good life here. It's just lacking in a work place for me and our friends are too far away.

This gypsy is itchy to move again onto the next chapter.

With all of this swirling in my brain is it no wonder I can't sleep?

Teething Sux, Milestones and Ramblings

I can't believe how ridiculous this past week has been. Actually, it's not been that busy I am just struggling under sleep deficit. Holy jeez teething is rough and I'm talking about ME here! Fin does just fine during the day and at night the demon that is cutting teeth comes out to posses the wee lass. She has spent the last week waking every hour and forty five minutes shrieking at the top of her lungs. Then she MUST NURSE with the vengeance of a vampire who has missed a few meals.

My nipples are going to fall off. Well I feel like they are. I have kept the nursing to a minimum during the day as Finley is starting to do great with food and my nips need a break. Although, she is still to get 90% of her nutrients via breast milk until the age of one so the boobies are still main meal. Yes, pumping is an option and once my nipples feel better I'll get to it. The nipples heal so rapidly even I am left amazed. The body's ability to take care of itself is nothing short of miraculous!

While my boobs are suffering sudden onset of Fibromyalgia my brain has gone back to suffering maternal dementia or a sudden onset of Alzheimer's. I had a few appointments this week that, by the good graces, I made it to. I rechecked my calendars seven hundred times. I did, however, miss my neighbour's gold party. I was so excited to get to go to it as Steve was home to watch Finley and the party was starting early so I could get in and out before Finley's bed time. (Fin won't settle at night without the boobies so I am housebound during the evening). I had gone to the trouble of digging out the old gold chains and bracelets and charms in my various jewelry boxes - you know the ex boyfriend jewelry you never wear - so I could take it to sell for cash at the gold party. I wanted the money for Christmas stuff. The price of gold has doubled in a year from $350. an ounce to $1100. an ounce! Anyway it was 10 o'clock on the night of the gold party when I realized I missed it!

I had RSVP'd the party and now I feel like such an ass. My neighbour probably thinks I'm a total FLAKE. I dissolved into tears and went to bed where the wee lass screamed in her sleep and promptly latched onto me for the remainder of the night.

So here I am posting super late in the week. My intentions are wonderful and if I remember I will get to posting some more stuff. I am posting some stories I pulled from my writing archives about the kind of Christmases we had while I was growing up. I lost my mother 9 years ago this month and her presence is so near at this time of year.

I am also going to add a weekly meal post because Steve and I love to cook and have been rocking out some really awesome meals and I am slowly building my new Mother Ship Yoga website which will launch in the New Year. So while my postings are thin I am working on them at least in thought!

Milestones:

Finley is eating all kinds of foods, she sat with her Grandma Linda reading a book and doing a puzzle without making strange, she drank from a water bottle and a sippy cup, she's crawling, pulling up, has assigned a word for the dog . It's a guttural grunt - our word for the dog is usually cecilshutup! So they are different words thankfully. And she has discovered the stairs. Hello baby gates.

On a personal note I need to lay off the sugar and get back to my daily walks. Somewhere in all of the excitement and sleep deprivation I've become quite unlike myself. I don't like to feel uncomfortable in my own skin, I just don't. I'm out of balance but plan to get it back and right quick too! But first I need to amp up the Starbucks intake and get the Christmas shopping done! I know the hardest person on me is me. So I just have to put things in perspective and that's that everything is great even in a blurr if fatigue.

On a most awesome note: my dad will be visiting us next week! Yipeeeee!